Friday, August 31, 2012

Indiana

"I drove in a car headed towards Indiana
Riding through your sister states we saw the Mississippi
And stayed for a while

Somewhere in Nebraska in a gas station bathroom
I wrote
That I loved you

There are girls who will never know the things I know
And there are boys who will never feel the things I feel
Won't you keep a light on when I'm lost and wandering?

In the sky birds flew in piles
As if told to do so


There are girls who will never know the things I know
And there are boys who will never feel the things I feel
Won't you keep a light on when I'm lost and wondering?
Who to be
Who to be"

Wednesday, August 29, 2012

Childhood Hope

I hope you know that I will let you go
If you really don't want to stay
But I will wait
Until you let me know
That I should really go away

Maybe This Is All Of Us

"I, I don't know what I am. I just know that there’s something dark in me, and I hide it. I certainly don’t talk about it, but it’s there, always. This dark passenger, and when he’s driving I feel alive. Half sick with the thrill, the complete wrongness. I don’t fight him, I don’t want to. He’s all I’ve got. Nothing else could love me. Not even, well especially not me."

Thursday, September 16th 2010

I miss the security of knowing that the person you love loves you back. I miss that look that makes all the sense in the world where nothing needs to be said. I miss that a smile meant nothing and everything. I miss that the unnecessary smile was returned. I miss somehow knowing that everything would work out fine, even though it somehow didn’t. I miss being confident, and not hiding. I miss being able to be exactly the way I am. I miss the hope of a future. I miss this feeling that I’m starting to feel in tiny moments again, but I know won’t be returned. Falling is frightening and falling for the wrong person hits hard. I hope I don’t land so hard that I break.

And now:
The irony is funny

Tuesday, August 28, 2012


"One thing is for sure
That is we are not the same
Some of us destroy
Anything that's in our way
While some of us would rather die
Then cause another person pain

That's why I'm not giving up yet
No I'm not giving up yet

Hold on to any truth that you find
It's so hard these days to tell right from wrong and wrong from right

But I'm not giving up yet
No I'm not giving up just yet"

Sunday, August 26, 2012

Disjointed


I cannot write
Coherent thoughts
As my heart breaks for you
While you sit there
So alone

Let me in
Let me in
It doesn’t have to be this way.

I know you don’t believe
That these good things can come true
But there is so much possibility
So much life to dream

All I want to do
Is reach out and touch you
And I can’t

Come closer
To where
Our hearts can meet

No one deserves
To feel like this
No one should have
This much pain

If I could,
I would take it
All away

Can I give back all
That has been taken from you?
Will you let me in?

I know where your worth comes from
It’s from your soul
And your depth
And your honesty
And your inherent goodness

Let me help you
Pick up
All those pieces

This is not a poem
This is not a song
This is my heart
Disjointed for you

Thursday, August 23, 2012

Here I Am

"He don't call me one and only
No, he just calls me when he gets lonely,
Something I do gets him there
To feel better and get well



There's no love without this pain
There's no one time without again
And there no way that I am
What he needs now

I'm just a passing glance
Not a for sure without a chance
And there's no way that I am
What he sees now

Don't call me one and only,
Just call me when you get lonely."

Friday, August 17, 2012

Magic

If everything is magic
Then my magic is in this:

Yesterdays sorrows
So easily melt
Into hopes for tomorrow


Wednesday, August 15, 2012

"I didn't wait for you
Because you didn't wait for me
And it seems like we're really through
Strange how I don't feel free

Sometimes I want you here
Sometimes I want you there
Maybe I live in fear
Maybe I just don't care

And my head feels confused and distracted
And my heart feels so empty
There's no excuse for the way that I acted
You are the one for me

I wait for things to change
Cause they start to slip away
I know that I've caused you pain
That's why it's hard to stay


And my head feels confused and distracted
And my heart feels so empty
I'm not ashamed of the way that I've acted
You are the same as me."
And I will listen
To every song you've sent
over
and over
Until you decided
To call me back.

Sunday, August 12, 2012

Cars aren't Contagious

I.
Cars aren't contagious
But if they were,
I'd want you to send yours
To where I am

I'd want it infected,
With everything that ails you
And everything
That you have been cured from

Fill it with all you hate
And all you love
And send it across these two thousand miles

Cars aren't contagious
So mine wont hurt you
When it comes to find you
So very far away

You'll need it
While I go through yours
And study
Everything you have felt

I'll fill mine with joy
And laughter
And hope to fill the time while I'm away

Can you record
All that you have seen
In this car of yours?

And I will play it
On repeat
As I go through the days

While I lay in bed
Filled with the contagiousness of you
And watch your world
Dive slowly by


II.
Cars aren't contagious
But I've found,
That you have infected me
With all that you are

You have completely 
Invaded my heart and soul
Like a virus
That can't be cured

You fill my waking thoughts
And dreams
With images of you

Cars aren't contagious
So I'm surprised,
When I grow sicker
Day by day

Life could be
So much easier in every way
If you were here
With me everyday

So I'll fill my time
And life
With waiting for you

Can you drive
Faster than you ever have
To meet me here?

And I will keep you
Here with me
For the rest of time

While we live
Filled with unending love
And see the world
Go driving by

Thursday, August 9, 2012

Of Fifty Years


I remember the days
When you cut it twice
And it was still too short

Those fingers that have been hacked
And sawed
And bruised
They created beauty

If all weddings
And wishes
Continued on together

I remember the days
Cooking together
Side by side in the kitchen

Those dishes that have been envisioned
And perfected
And served
They create a family

If all of us tried
And triumphed
Over our shortcomings

I remember breakfast
Always on the table
And a good book
Always within reach

I remember digging in the sand
Time draining with every shell
And sailing on the sea
Time fleeing with the sun

Memories
Grouping together
Forming a picture

Focusing all the pieces
To the center
Of fifty years
Together

To my dear Grandparents who have been married for fifty years. I hope someday I can say the same. I love you both so very much.

Wednesday, August 8, 2012

Love is an imperative

"...this is who Pen had always been, a person who believed that people who loved each other were different from everyone else, from the world in general, exempt from the usual pressures of time and change, of growing older or of growing up. When it came to love, Will's friend Pen was that rare and dangerous thing: a true believer."

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     "Of course, there are situations i which it's the wrong choice, " Pen went on, "for the same reason that anything is the wrong choice: you hurt people, you break promises. Although I suppose that not everyone would agree with that."
     "Maybe not."
     "But if you're not hurting anyone, then I think you have no choice but to, well, honor it."
     "Honor? What do you mean honor?"
     "Acknowledge it. Follow it. Chase it. Hold on to it. Whatever."
     There was a silence on the other end of the line, during which Pen watched the ladybug fly, a black blur, from the lampshade to the curtain of the window next to the bed.
     Will said, "All right, I give up."
     "What?"
     "I'm not getting it. Your pronoun reference."
     "What are you talking about?"
     "The 'it.' I need a real noun. The right choice, the thing you follow, hold on to, et cetera."
     "Love," said Pen impatiently. "What else would I be talking about?"
     Another silence.
     Finally, Will said, "So you're saying, 'Love wins, automatically.'"
     "No. Well, maybe. Except that makes it sound easy when it's not. Or not most of the time. It's stringent. Exacting," said Pen. "I think love is an imperative. It obligates you."

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

     "And I'm not just talking about being in love. I mean any kind of love. You don't mess around. You don't walk away. You can't."
     "Can't. Can't is hard-core."
     "It's what we're here for," explained Pen. "It's what we're for."


-Falling Together


From Planes and Trains and Buses

I am swimming in that place between grief and joy. The waves of sorrow crashing onto the shores of excitement. I am trying to catch one in, be pushed onto the shore before this sorrow overcomes me and I sink and sink until all I see is sorrow. But I don't want to travel so far that I forget the land I have swum from. Can I keep the excitement, remember the sorrow, but not feel the sorrow? How do I build a house close enough to see the waves, yet far enough to feel no pain? Where can I place my roots so that they can still travel far, without leaving where they've been? Can the past and future collide into a perfect present? I make it to the shore and walk away from the tumultuous surf. Where will I go now? For I know I cannot always stay on this sand. This excitement will not always remain. And someday I will head back out into the sea, through sorrow, to find the next joy.

Monday, August 6, 2012

What I Fear

They were young
And in love
A classic story
Told a thousand times

She called him when she woke
And before he fell asleep.
He dreamed of being together
And living in vulnerable peace.

But now he no longer fixes cars
And she no longer fixes lives

He sits in his office
And watches the young secretaries
Come
And go
So full of life
And hope

She only sees people
Who are in a last ditch effort
To stay
Together
So desperately empty
And alone

"I never knew,"
She says to herself
"That this love and life
Would fade
All the excitement of love
Being blown away."

"I never thought,"
He whispers in his mind
"That there were others
More and more
With everything I sought
And everything I thought I found"

So they return home
To their hollow house
Full of regret
And disappointment

And she looks to him
To dispel the fear
And he looks to her
To draw him near 

But instead they begin to break
And slowly they fall, far apart.

I Just Wanna Know

"Well I don’t care about the past
I just wanna know that you’ll stay with me
I’m all worried there’s a chance
I might show a side that you don’t wanna see
I know I must have told you before
But every day I love you more
It’s not going to stop, no
If you can’t stay"
-Go Slowpoke