Things in Texts

I think I stopped being angry and now all I'm left with is emptiness and regret and loneliness. Angry me just had friends, yelled a lot and was reckless. Way more fun. Now I feel like i'm in a hole where I can't see the sun and I'm sinking in the mud of my foolishness. I'm really lost, and it scares me more than I'll admit because not only did I waste all that time, I wasted all of my heart. And I know I pretend things don't matter but I never knew I could break in this way. I never knew someone could destroy me like this. Yes, I will get over him and yes, I will love someone else, but I've lost so much of myself that can never be regained. I miss me. And I don't think I can get that part back.


And yet, he still did not understand. And she was still left alone and lost and empty.

The War

We brought our swords to battle,

All lined up along the cliff.

On chariots and horses

In armor forged of steel.

The sea it raged below us,

Death boiling at the brim.

Black waves climbing ever higher

Reaching for our souls.

Our Captain stood before

Shining white like the setting sun

He raised his helmet high above his head

His voice roared as he spoke

"Today begins the battle

Of us against the sea.

Although it seems impossible,

Anything is possible with me."

Some of us were shaking

Fear pounding through our blood.

Others had already fled

Tossing down their swords.

The sea seemed ever greater

Stretching on and on

My fear threatened to take over

When I heard the battle cry sound

Down the troops began to fall,

Slashing at the waves

My feet refused to jump,

My sword dropped to the ground.

I knew I needed to fight the sea

To conquer better lands,

But so many had been swallowed already

And I was afraid to drown

Then I felt abiding warmth,

Flowing through and all around

I knew the Captain was standing by

Holding onto my arm

“I am afraid of the sea,”

I whispered through my shame

He turned my face up toward His,

“I will guard you, hang on to me.”

I gripped His hand harder still

And picked back up my sword

Then hand in hand we took the leap

Pressing into the waves

The sea froze to the bone

My air began to fail

I tried to find the oceans end

I fought to see the sky

I almost wanted to give in

Let the sea win the war

But then I felt my body rise

Then I felt the warmth

The sea had turned to calming blue

The sun had begun to rise

I realized I was being carried still

All the way to white and sandy shores

My Captain placed me down

Among the others who had fought

He looked at me through tears of joy,

“My soldier, the war is won.”

Okay

I need it to be okay that I can't hold all this together.
I need it to be okay to say that it's too much.
I need it to be okay that the pride and strength that runs in my family is not helpful.
I need it to be okay that I can't handle everything on my own.
I need it to be okay to let somethings go.
I need it to be okay

I need    to be okay.

Life is skinnier without you

When I began here

I believed in change,

I believed in light,

And hope

But now I disagree,
Now darkness descends
And the thing with feathers has flown
So very far away.

"I have tried but I don't fit

Into this box I'm living with

I could go wild

But you might lock me up"

Of Fathers and Daughters

“As much as I love you, Jesus loves you more. I sacrifice a lot because I love you, but Jesus sacrificed everything because he loves you. So if somewhere along the way you fail a test or love a boy who does not love you back or have a mastectomy or develop Alzheimers or gain some weight or lose a job, you will still hold infinite value because Jesus loves you. No matter what. You are loved exactly as you are. Always.”

Dear Dad,

Do you remember that hug?

Yes, that specific one,

Intertwined with all the others,

But still so very significant.

You probably don't,

Because to you it was just a hug.

But to me it changed so very much

Do you remember that song?

The one we listened to a million times

The last notes transferring into the first,

A continuous, unbroken circle

You might not,

We listened to a lot of songs

But it showed me how much you loved me

Do you remember that breakfast?

The one that we drove to on your scooter,

While I sang the whole way

Like I always do

It may be faded in your memory,

So many meals, with so many people,

It told me that I could tell you anything

Do you remember that late night?

When I couldn't sleep

And neither could you,

And we talked about nothing?

You may have forgotten,

We always have a lot of sleepless nights,

But it showed me I was not alone.

Do you remember that talk?

The one where I hoped you would not be disappointed

Where I waited for what questions might come

But all that came was a hug.

Have I asked you about that hug?

Have I asked you about all those moments?

Have I told you how you changed me?

Have I told you that without you

My life would have been forever dented?

All because I didn't have those little moments 

With you

-Your Daughter

"There will be liars and thieves who take from you

Not to undermine the consequence

But you are not what you do

And when you need it most

I have a hundred reasons why I love you"