Always

"No one has to hear

The sound of people laughing at their fears

And the ocean and sun are always there

To make you happy if you're feeling scared

Of the darkness"

-MGMT (Love Always Remains)

Make me laugh, Make me think

"No woman, none of us have to go to anyone. And the idea that we do is a mental illness we contracted from breath mint commercials and Sandra Bullock. We can't keep going to each other until we learn to go to ourselves. Stop making our hatred of ourselves someone else's job and just stop hating ourselves."

Things in Texts

I think I stopped being angry and now all I'm left with is emptiness and regret and loneliness. Angry me just had friends, yelled a lot and was reckless. Way more fun. Now I feel like i'm in a hole where I can't see the sun and I'm sinking in the mud of my foolishness. I'm really lost, and it scares me more than I'll admit because not only did I waste all that time, I wasted all of my heart. And I know I pretend things don't matter but I never knew I could break in this way. I never knew someone could destroy me like this. Yes, I will get over him and yes, I will love someone else, but I've lost so much of myself that can never be regained. I miss me. And I don't think I can get that part back.


And yet, he still did not understand. And she was still left alone and lost and empty.

The War

We brought our swords to battle,

All lined up along the cliff.

On chariots and horses

In armor forged of steel.

The sea it raged below us,

Death boiling at the brim.

Black waves climbing ever higher

Reaching for our souls.

Our Captain stood before

Shining white like the setting sun

He raised his helmet high above his head

His voice roared as he spoke

"Today begins the battle

Of us against the sea.

Although it seems impossible,

Anything is possible with me."

Some of us were shaking

Fear pounding through our blood.

Others had already fled

Tossing down their swords.

The sea seemed ever greater

Stretching on and on

My fear threatened to take over

When I heard the battle cry sound

Down the troops began to fall,

Slashing at the waves

My feet refused to jump,

My sword dropped to the ground.

I knew I needed to fight the sea

To conquer better lands,

But so many had been swallowed already

And I was afraid to drown

Then I felt abiding warmth,

Flowing through and all around

I knew the Captain was standing by

Holding onto my arm

“I am afraid of the sea,”

I whispered through my shame

He turned my face up toward His,

“I will guard you, hang on to me.”

I gripped His hand harder still

And picked back up my sword

Then hand in hand we took the leap

Pressing into the waves

The sea froze to the bone

My air began to fail

I tried to find the oceans end

I fought to see the sky

I almost wanted to give in

Let the sea win the war

But then I felt my body rise

Then I felt the warmth

The sea had turned to calming blue

The sun had begun to rise

I realized I was being carried still

All the way to white and sandy shores

My Captain placed me down

Among the others who had fought

He looked at me through tears of joy,

“My soldier, the war is won.”

Okay

I need it to be okay that I can't hold all this together.
I need it to be okay to say that it's too much.
I need it to be okay that the pride and strength that runs in my family is not helpful.
I need it to be okay that I can't handle everything on my own.
I need it to be okay to let somethings go.
I need it to be okay

I need    to be okay.

Life is skinnier without you

When I began here

I believed in change,

I believed in light,

And hope

But now I disagree,
Now darkness descends
And the thing with feathers has flown
So very far away.