frustration

dealing with never-ending selfishness is draining
like giving blood into a bag
that then is given to someone with too much blood already

i get weaker and smaller
while she gets larger and louder
a giant stomping,
crushing what i love.

go away go away go away

Oh Gatsby

"'When I think about going for anything more than that I look at my life and who I am and I'm too far gone. I'm broken.'

'Son, I was far more broken than you'll ever be.'"

-How I Met Your Mother

Where to Land?

Those East Coast beaches

Are awfully clean

And the Florida colors

Never stray from green

I hear states like Maine

Have the most beautiful falls

And up in New York

The buildings are tall

The states in the south

Still have all their charm

But the heat in the summer

Might do you some harm

These Midwestern summers

Are perfectly nice

But the winters will freeze you

All covered in ice

Las Vegas has bright lights

Montana has clean air

In Seattle it rains

158 days of the year

Texas is large enough

To be its own nation

Colorado has enough sunshine

To cause mass elation

Hawaii is a place

Everyone wants to be

The Alaskan wilderness

Is brilliant to see

California it seems

Has something for all

The beaches are vast

And the Redwoods are tall

And this is all just one country,

Each state with something grand

The world is much bigger

How do I choose where to land?

"Won't you tell me what you're thinking of?

Would you be an outlaw for my love?

If it's so then let me know
If it's no then I can go

I won't make you"

My Life Is Defined By Summers

The summer crew

"You come around"

Every hello is a goodbye

Of choices and losses

Summer come soon and bring changes

changes that lead to hope

changes that lead to new life

And she emptied her life of all real emotions

In order to stay alive

But now alive is not what she wants

And empty has become a cave with no end

A valley with no bottom

A cavern with no light

Someone send her more than living

Someone fill her with more than pills

Someone steal her more than fake laughter

Knowing the right answers is not enough

She needs to feel them

But she cannot feel

Because feeling leads to pain

And pain leads to sorrow

And sorrow leads to despair  

Please don't forget that she can smile
Please don't forget she used to laugh
Please don't forget she once truly lived

But sometimes, after all the drinks
She looks at him and sees
More feelings than she can bear
More depth than she wants to believe

A dissociated emptiness
Has become a hollow shell
She's hiding all her fears
In a box filled with hell

Open it some whisper
Fiddling with the lid
But brick upon invisible brick
Crush down on what's within

As her fingers play an imaginary tune
On a head filled with lies
She holds deep within
Harrowing cries

How alive is living?
And at what cost does it come?

But all she wants to do is breathe
Inhale deeply,
Exhale slow,
Inhale again

Can her broken heart mend?
Can her prayers be heard?
Can her world turn right again?


And she emptied her life of all real emotions

In order to stay alive