From August:

My heart in this place is torn

I've never felt so much
Beauty
and Light
In one place

But I miss you
I miss you
I miss you repeats
Over and over
In my head

I wish you could see this
The way I see it
The way the colors meld
The way the sun feels
The way the ocean sounds

My mind in this place is muddled

I've never been so
Sure
and Confident
As I am here

But I'm lonely
I'm lonely
I'm lonely penetrates
My constant barrier
Between my head and my heart


I wish I could see this
The way she sees it
The way the cloudless sky burns
The way the nights never last
The way the desolate desert dries

My soul in this place knows:
It is partway home

"Deadlines And Commitments" The Killers

That place we all run to
It can come down on you
The expectation can be great

If you should ever tire
Or if you should require
A sudden, simple twist of fate

Don't hide away
There's something to be said for pushing through
We'd never ride on horses that discourage you

If you should fall upon hard times
If you should lose your way
There is a place
Here in this house
That you can stay

If you should find romance
Go on and take that chance
Before the strategies begin

Deadlines and commitments
Every morning
And in the evening
They can suck you in
Boy, don't I know it

This offer would be standing
All you've got to do is call
Don't be afraid to knock on the door

I'm not talking about
Deadlines and commitments
Sold out of confusion
There is a place
Here in this house
That you can stay

Catch you, darling
I'll be waiting
I am on your side

March 4, 2006

When I was 15:

Let's leave, let's meet somewhere. In an airport in Belgium, in a coffee shop in Venezuela, in a parking lot in England. I'll be there, I'll be everywhere. Will we be like this forever? I wonder and I wish. All the miles that seperate lives. We can reach that far right? We'll jump across the stars and meet eachother in the middle. We can dance on our star, and when it's time to leave we'll carve our names in it so we can always find our way back. Let's prove them all wrong shall we? I'll walk across the ocean for you, I'll climb any mountain you want, I'll run through the thorns, because on the other shore, on the peak, on the other side, life is even better. We'll never forget will we? Even if I turn fifty and my hair turns grey, I still won't forget. My memory will plauge me. So tonight I'll beam you good thoughts and better memories and hope they find a way to your heart. I'll send you hope and love and joy. We will find a way, let's make this reality. I love you.

i'm holding
holding
holding on

to something i fear
is already
gone

And my heart stops

"You can't navigate me. I may do mean things, and I may hurt you, and I may run away without your permission, and you may hate me forever, and I know that scares the living shit outta you 'cause you know I'm the only real thing you got."

"This may sound corny, but... you don't want me. I'm damaged goods."

 "How happy is the blameless vestal's lot? The world forgetting by the world forgot. Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind, each prayer accepted and each wish resigned."

Stanzas of Worth

What is worth defined by?
It it how successful I am?
How much money I make?
How much others like me?

or,
Is worth defined by character?
How nice I am to strangers?
How honest I am with my family?
How loyal I am to my friends?

or,
Is worth defined by passion?
What I truly love to do?
Who I invest my heart in?
What makes me feel alive?

or,
Is worth defined by soul?
Where I am going when I am gone?
Who I pray to before I fall asleep?
How willingly I follow what I am called to do?

Maybe worth is how I'm viewed
By those I say I love
Maybe worth is how I see
The things that I have overcome

Maybe it is everything
All rolled into one
Maybe it is nothing
Except who I will become

Why We Are Sad

That is why we are so pretty,

Don’t you know?

Because we are allowed to be sad

For no reason whatsoever

All that unnecessary sadness

Turns into bright eyes

And half smiles

On cold nights

It turns into that shy look

We get when we know

We’re in love

It melts into every peal of laughter

That rings forth

When we are truly happy

And that is why sometimes

We need to just be sad

Because without being sad

Our prettiness begins to fade

And you with your foolish eyes

Cannot see what is inside

Unless it perfectly matches

What is outside

You cannot see

That our souls are full

Of passion and loyalty

You cannot see

That our very core

Is resonating to love

And be loved

Forevermore