Indiana

"I drove in a car headed towards Indiana
Riding through your sister states we saw the Mississippi
And stayed for a while

Somewhere in Nebraska in a gas station bathroom
I wrote
That I loved you

There are girls who will never know the things I know
And there are boys who will never feel the things I feel
Won't you keep a light on when I'm lost and wandering?

In the sky birds flew in piles
As if told to do so


There are girls who will never know the things I know
And there are boys who will never feel the things I feel
Won't you keep a light on when I'm lost and wondering?
Who to be
Who to be"

Childhood Hope

I hope you know that I will let you go
If you really don't want to stay
But I will wait
Until you let me know
That I should really go away

Maybe This Is All Of Us

"I, I don't know what I am. I just know that there’s something dark in me, and I hide it. I certainly don’t talk about it, but it’s there, always. This dark passenger, and when he’s driving I feel alive. Half sick with the thrill, the complete wrongness. I don’t fight him, I don’t want to. He’s all I’ve got. Nothing else could love me. Not even, well especially not me."

Thursday, September 16th 2010

I miss the security of knowing that the person you love loves you back. I miss that look that makes all the sense in the world where nothing needs to be said. I miss that a smile meant nothing and everything. I miss that the unnecessary smile was returned. I miss somehow knowing that everything would work out fine, even though it somehow didn’t. I miss being confident, and not hiding. I miss being able to be exactly the way I am. I miss the hope of a future. I miss this feeling that I’m starting to feel in tiny moments again, but I know won’t be returned. Falling is frightening and falling for the wrong person hits hard. I hope I don’t land so hard that I break.

And now:

The irony is funny

"One thing is for sure

That is we are not the same
Some of us destroy
Anything that's in our way
While some of us would rather die
Then cause another person pain

That's why I'm not giving up yet
No I'm not giving up yet

Hold on to any truth that you find
It's so hard these days to tell right from wrong and wrong from right

But I'm not giving up yet
No I'm not giving up just yet"

Disjointed

I cannot write

Coherent thoughts

As my heart breaks for you

While you sit there

So alone

Let me in

Let me in

It doesn’t have to be this way.

I know you don’t believe

That these good things can come true

But there is so much possibility

So much life to dream

All I want to do

Is reach out and touch you

And I can’t

Come closer

To where

Our hearts can meet

No one deserves

To feel like this

No one should have

This much pain

If I could,

I would take it

All away

Can I give back all

That has been taken from you?

Will you let me in?

I know where your worth comes from

It’s from your soul

And your depth

And your honesty

And your inherent goodness

Let me help you

Pick up

All those pieces

This is not a poem

This is not a song

This is my heart

Disjointed for you

Here I Am

"He don't call me one and only
No, he just calls me when he gets lonely,
Something I do gets him there
To feel better and get well

There's no love without this pain

There's no one time without again

And there no way that I am

What he needs now

I'm just a passing glance
Not a for sure without a chance
And there's no way that I am
What he sees now

Don't call me one and only,

Just call me when you get lonely."