Blood Filled with Sadness

 

You asked me once if I missed being her.

I said no,

Because she was sick,

And sad,

So much of the time.

I sometimes forget that my sadness is older than I allow it to seem.

There has always been a vein of it,

Coursing within me.

For as long as I can remember. 

This girl,

Who should have been so happy.

Newly married,

With a loving husband,

Was filled to the brim with sadness. 

It's not just her. 

The me before her was equally sad,

And the one before that.

Sometimes I think the one before her was fine,

but then I remember,

Those 3am nights.

All of the darkness.

I remember

How hard she tried.

While her body betrayed her,

Sicker all the time. 

And still she fought to be happy.

But the sadness has filled her blood 

for as long as my heart has been beating.