Reincarnation

Why do I cling to things that were never any good? It's like the day after partying effect where everything from the night before, even the bad parts, seems wonderful has invaded my entire life. Nostalgia. I am not sad, I am not lonely, I am not fearing the future, but somehow I long for things of the past. This has always been a problem for me. I want what I used to have, even though I didn't want it when I had it. I want the end of last summer, phone conversations every morning and every night. I want the year before that, sneaking in the night to meet by the lake just for a minute. I want the year before that, pillow forts and dogs. Or the year before that: double dates and a dumb truck, or the one before that: late nights at the stadium, believing in faeries, a group of home. Or maybe the year before that, skipping pep rallies and always being warm. But that is the year that leads me back around to now. Because here I am, with him. Always warm, just slightly on the side of rebellion, hard working, and comfortable. Maybe my whole life I've been trying to get back to a part of home, that I now have found again. We end and then we seem to start again.

Reincarnation of my years, over and over.