Sunday, August 28, 2011

I love the way your hair parts straight down the middle, and how when you lost those thirty pounds you wore your old clothes and looked like a shrunken doll. I love the way you trip over your own feet, and pick apart your food before you eat it. I love how you talk passionately about things most people don't care about. I love the way you light up when you see people you love.
But I hate that you will never know this.
I hate that I will never get to love how much you love me.

Friday, August 19, 2011

Why are you panicking? I can feel it. The tension and confusion rumbling through your ever spinning mind. Where did it come from? So sudden and seeping. Overpowering slowly, the intensity making everything worse. Knowing that it won't get better yet. When did this begin? How much longer do you have to go?
Sometimes are you so afraid?

I am. I don't even know why most of the time. It arrives and the world has become too big. And I, I have become far too small. The light is garish and the walls are cold. I am no longer a tree, I am a weed, about to be pulled. I am no longer a sunflower, I am a violet. Tiny, about to be stepped on. Washed out purple instead of ginormous brilliant yellow. Where am I? Where have I gone?

Maybe I'll sleep now, and maybe tomorrow you'll be back, and I'll be back. We'll be back. "It will be okay, everything will be okay." I don't know who I'm trying to reassure anymore. Maybe both of us and maybe neither. I am saying nothing. I am disappearing. Someone see me! Someone really, truly see me!

Tonight I pray that this panic subsides and once again, we are found.

The Beginning of the End

"All children, except one, grow up. They soon know that they will grow up, and the way Wendy knew was this. One day when she was two years old she was playing in a garden, and she plucked another flower and ran with it to her mother. I suppose she must have looked rather delightful, for Mrs. Darling put her hand to her heart and cried, "Oh, why can't you remain like this for ever!" This was all that passed between them on the subject, but henceforth Wendy knew that she must grow up. You always know after you are two. Two is the beginning of the end."
-Peter Pan

Monday, August 15, 2011

The question

I need to know if anyone else feels it too. Like What Sarah Said mixed with Damien Rice and a few heartfelt screams. I need to know  because it seems like all the loving faces are smiling smiles of honest emptiness. Am I the only one? Do you feel it too? Has anyone really found it or are we all just tired of hurting and getting hurt. Do we finally say enough is enough, I've been doing this too long, time to give up. Have you found what I'm looking for? And will I ever find it? This deep solid confusion and loneliness is growing. I need to know. Who has my answer?

The question was who would I be for a day, I'd be anyone truly loved and contently happy. That's what I who I wish to be.

Monday, August 8, 2011

tu·mul·tu·ous


    adjective /t(y)o͞oˈməlCHo͞oəs/  /tə-/ 
    1. Making a loud, confused noise; uproarious
      • tumultuous applause
    2. Excited, confused, or disorderly
      • - a tumultuous crowd
      • - a tumultuous personal life