Most days I wake up and miss my family, but today it was different. A deep, dark ache in my heart. A feeling that no one knows quite how I feel except them, and they are so very far away. I think about how my back aches and my eyes are tired, how I'm trying too hard to look cute in my own way, how those three finals are piling up on me and I have to well: too big of dreams not to do well. I think about how my couch back home is the perfect length and comfort and how the couch here is half size to fit in my half sized apartment. How if I was home I could fall asleep on the couch and wake up to music playing on the stereo, the smell of my mother's wonderful cooking, and the darkened Taiwan sky. If I was home we would eat and talk and play a game or watch a show all together. I would come into their room while they were reading before bed and lay down and talk until they kicked me out so they could sleep.
But I am not home, I am not with my family, I am here, alone.
I don't do well being alone, I'm bad at it. It doesn't suit my nature. Yet here I am, doing what I need to do, being alone. Looking at the heeled boots I bought online with fur around the top. Me, in fur, trying to be something I could be, but right now, I don't want to be.
I don't want to be responsible, I don't want to be sophisticated, I don't want to be trying so hard; I want to be home and young and loved and surrounded by warmth.
Mi corazón pertenece a mi familia
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